THD were hoping for a relatively easy win on this bright Saturday morning. Unfortunately our tactic of making the oppo get up at the crack of dawn backfired and THD were caught napping from the start. With a number of players on holiday (surely more deserving of a TFC vote) the team's structure suffered and our first touch was poor resulting in a decidedly scrappy game. Despite these struggles, THD fought hard and came out triumphant, thanks go to Alex and Josie for stepping into the breach!

The first half saw several chances for both sides. The Wycombe centre forward was through on goal with only the keeper to beat (and already imagining her victory celebration), unfortunately for her things weren't to be; Emily came charging off her line and made a well timed dive, leaving the Wycombe number 10 lying dejected on the floor, her moment of glory gone for ever.

The second half, proved much the same, with both teams battling hard. No one could fault the home team's effort but it would perhaps be fair to criticise a certain player's intelligence. For the umpteenth time in my life I experienced that sinking feeling that comes in that split second between completing a stupid act and realising you shouldn't have done it. A deflected ball flew high into the air, and before I knew what was happening my stick shot up of its own accord to stop the ball above my head. The umpire to his credit, was quite apologetic with his sending off (the equivalent of Alan Sugar's 'With regret, you're fired).

Obviously my dismissal was just what the mighty reds needed to get them fired up and seconds after the yellow card, THD got their first goal. Helen intercepted a ball from the oppo's sneaky passing centre back and made Willie's day by crabbing first to the left and then to the right before playing a ball into Jo for Gemmie to put in the back of the net. Within minutes Wycombe, capitalising on the extra player, had won a short corner and got an equaliser. THD kept their heads up and were soon rewarded with a second goal. El capitano set off on an excellent, driving run that started at the half way line and ended in Wycombe's D, leaving Pinny to slot the ball into the bottom left hand corner.

Emily, Christa, Alex, Kath, Jen, Vicky, Sarah, Bels, Gemma, Josie, Jo, Pinny, Helen

Nothing wakes you up on a Saturday morning like your car crunching into curbs and scraping over speed bumps whilst other drivers toot their horns as if it's not acceptable to swing between lanes and cut up their vehicles or swerve across the hatched markings on the motorway because you've missed the exit. Have you ever tried driving with a Tom Tom in London...? Despite losing his number plate early in the journey, the Pigg-Mobile coped well with the ordeal of meandering due North through the city, struggling only at traffic lights where the engine kept cutting out... Captain Bellend remained calm despite the possibility of missing that start of the match. Prepared for the worst, she had a spare player or five ready and waiting (although Hudson had forgotten about her pulled hamstring!). Feeling strangely at home as we approached the Harrrrow pitch (Mr Jugs gave me permission to write that)... I had a good feeling about this match.

We started the first half strongly, securing the three short corners that Will had requested in the pre-match team talk. Looking simply angelic on the sideline in comparison to the Harrrrow coach we were keen to please him... but luck was not on our side. Having been tracked off the back line by Crystal (who showed remarkable pace for a lady in her condition...), the Harrrrow LW caught our Ems off guard by crossing the ball from behind the back line, only for the RW to tap the ball into the goal. Clearly against the run of play, and the rules of hockey, we were determined to make a quick come back. The defence transferred the ball with ease, with Ciara delivering timely passes to release the midfield and forwards up the pitch. Whilst The Left looked particularly threatening as they cut through the Harrrrow defence, the first goal came from a great run down the right and perfectly placed cross from Jo. Determined not to miss a second sitter, Pinny confidently deflected the ball into the bottom right corner.

The second half saw a change of tactic from the Harrrrow team. Quick on the break and desperate not to concede, they adopted a defensive approach and packed their D. Fortunately, some great pick-ups from Gemma and the rest of our midfield and hefty blocks from the stocky Sowts meant we were able to keep control of the game. Our hard work paid off as a short corner sent back to left slip and then to the p-spot, was directed towards goal by Ciara straight onto a defenders foot for Bellend to jab into the goal before the umpire had chance to blow his whistle. Whoop whoop. (JS)

Special mention to:

• The Left
• The trademark dive from debutante vicar.
• The girls who showered: Jugs, Ciara, Crystal, Henna , yep that's 4/15...
• The teas... wish I'd taken a picture?

Emily, Kath, Ciara, Henna, Christa, Jen, Sarah (cameo warm up role and cheerleader extraordinair), Fi, Vicky, Gemma, Bels, Jo, Pinny, Helen, Clare

The game was to be an encounter between the experience of THD and the intelligence and youth of the students. Despite Oxford making the early running, THD got the all important first goal after their first real attack - Pinny slotting the ball home at the far post after some good work from Jo and Sarah.

The students continued to push hard and break down play. There was, as always, the occasional hiccup at the back that gave the visitors a sniff but the control and passing from the back four was composed and effective.

Ciara's sweetly struck free hit from just outside the opposition 25 found Clare at the top of the D. A neat turn beat her defender and she nutmegged the keeper for the second. Two-nil up in 20 minutes.

While all this beautiful hockey was going on, Will (in his eloquent style) was stupid enough to continue questioning the umpires decisions rather too aggressively; this led to Annabel being given a green card and Will being told in no uncertain terms to redirect his attention to the team and their performance. He bottled up his frustration with the umpires and took it out on a bottle of whiskey in the evening.

The second half brought little change. Oxford were awarded a PC in rather dubious circumstances. To make matters worse, all that Gemma managed to do charging down this corner was to deflect it neatly into the top of the goal. Emily stood no chance!

The pressure mounted on THD and, in similar situations all too often in the past, THD would have capitulated into nervous wrecks and been lucky to come out 2-1 winners. Today however was different and the team worked together to be greater than the sum of its parts. Oxford went down to 10 when Annabel was attacked from behind and her assailant was handed a yellow card. But it was during this power-play that Gemma found Hattie, who took the ball cleanly, drove across the D and scored with a well directed strike.

For the last quarter it was 11 vs 11 again and the intensity of the game started to take it toll. Sarah was the first to go, tweaking a hamstring, and then Gemma went down with cramp. Oxford huffed and puffed but were unable to build on their single goal. THD won 3-1. Things to improve but overall a huge team performance.

Emily, Kath Ciara, Jen, Henna, Sarah, Fi, Gemma, Bels, Jo, Hattie, Pinny, Clare, Helen

It all started out well; Half the team managed to arrive at the requested time and Will brought his kit.

Hatwell landed bright eyed and busy tailed from her late night Sainsbury's shift, still wearing her orange socks - just to remind everyone she had been on the biscuit aisle for the last 12 hours. Annabel (from Bellenden Road) won the toss and the ball went straight back to Mrs Nurse, who slapped it to the right. Krystal, not so ready for action, slipped on her face and let the ball go off the side, so within the first 10 seconds Oxford had regained possession. Their attack was soon foiled as 'Potato' dominated the back and within minutes THD were back in control. Anabellendend Road made several speedy runs up the left wing, frustrating the Oxford defence. Mrs Nurse, continued to demonstrate why she will not be allowed to get pregnant in hockey season ever again, beating 1,2,3,4 sometimes even 5 players to have several shots in the 'd'. A few wide, a few saved. The game continued on, with THD retaining majority of the possesion. Half time: 0-0.

After the break Hattie, realised that boys were watching, and brought out some silky skills to win about 10 short corners. Henna, deciding she was too tall for a 36 inch and having opted for the size up, hit the ground before the ball at a few shorts (this was a confession post match). THD soon rethought the shorts and slipped it to Annabellenden, who almost sitting on the floor, sweeped the ball safely into the back of the goal. THD continued to attack with several near misses on the posts. Laura 'Now I know you all can you please call me THE PIN' decided it was time for some impromptu gymnastics and split herself on the pitch (right in front of the boys may I add). Kath was getting bored and despite giving it to the CF, just so she could tackle them again, pulled her hamstring and hobbled off. THD were without their rock at the back. Jenny Jugs had a tussle with number 23 - who disputed that she was 5 yards away, she was just too quick for the game. Likely. The umpires fortunately sided with Jugs who smashed the ball through for another attack. Minutes to go and all was well, until THD played football in their own 'D'. A PC ensued but luck(and perhaps skill) was on our side. The ball was swiftly shipped out, with the final whistle followed closely behind. (KC)

Annabellenden(C), Hatwell, The Pin, Jo, Mrs Nurse, Sarah, Fi, Kath, Potato, Henna, Jenny Jugs(according to the website), Krystal, Emily (GK)

Oh my god, dick of the day, yellow card, being half deaf and having to write a match report was not how I was expecting Saturday to pan out, but at least it wasn't 29 degrees and we had more usual autumnal weather for our early start on the flourescent green East Grinstead pitch.

The first half was actually pretty even with some very solid defence with a special shout out to Ciara who had a fantastic game. The rather spectacular reverse stick chip to the corner by the opposition was quickly neutralised by Jo's cracking response which levelled the score at 1-1. The even play continued throughout the rest of the half with THD hardly giving away any scoring opportunities to EG compared to our 5 consecutive short corners.

Unfortunately the second half was not quite so even and the game took on more of a cricket theme with some lofty balls (didn't Sarah get a couple of balls in her hands...eek!) along with a yellow card for me to join Laura's green from the first half. There was some nice work from Gemma with some great crosses into the D and Bels who kept the pace and pressure on down the left wing in an attempt to work through their strong defense. But alas in the end, their home crowd supporters screamed loud enough for EG to nudge two more goals in and we were unable to make any further impact.

As for my DOTD I shall go and sit in a recording studio and say 1000 clickety clacks and 4 'Its a Dolmio Days' and hopefully all will be forgiven! (CC)

Emily, Kath, Ciara, Sarah, Christa, Heena, Jenny, Gemma, Annabel, Jo, Hattie, Clare, Laura, Fiona

H.N. Reporting for THD News

The Tulse Hill and Dulwich ladies 1s took a convincing first win of the season on Saturday facing local rivals Henley.

Playing in sweltering heat, both teams quickly realised the game would be a tough fight with temperatures peaking high into the 20s for the 12.30pm pushback.

Despite showing an obvious dominance from the start, it was some time before the THD women could find the back of the net. Converting their first penalty corner of the season, a quick strike from Ciara 'Potato' O'Brien was sealed by a deflection by captain Annabel Owen. Owen continued to demonstrate her goal scoring abilities throughout the game netting both a drag flick into the right hand corner and a strike from the top of circle.

Defender Christa Clarke also showed her skill and took advantage of the only shadow on the pitch to make a number of courageous runs up the sideline to find right striker and previous DOD, Jo Walford. Despite their best efforts in building play from defense, THD failed to capitalise on a number of occasions largely due to errors in passing and giving away possession.

A moment of defensive error saw Henley making a late comeback with a field conversion and they continued to put THD under pressure with a number of attacking penalty corners. While stuck in hard defense a questionable green card was awarded to newcomer Hannah Naftel a.k.a Heena, which landed her with not only a card to her name but the DOD title of the week. Commenting on the infringement, Naftel was deeply disappointed that "it wasn't even for anything impressive!".

Despite their best efforts, up and coming THD keeper Emily Naylor continued to show her prominence in goal leaving the opposition unable to even the score. Elated by the win, serial wedding attendee and defender Jenny Thomas was surprised to find out the final score was only 3-1 asking at match tea "so who scored the fourth goal?".

While the win was the result THD was after, penalty corner conversions and capitalizing on field play opportunities are two areas which the THD women will be striving to improve upon. Speaking after the game, Owen appeared very modest stating that she "Never scores goals!" despite being the only goal scorer of the season having successfully converted a penalty stroke the previous week.

Having acquired a number of new recruits this season, coach Will Nurse will no doubt be focusing on creating a solid attacking and defensive unit in weeks to come. His words of advice to the team included concerns about hydration telling the ladies that they must "make sure you drink lots of water before you go out and get completely drunk [tonight]".

Following the game the women joined the rest of the THD club for the Annual Pub golf event, demonstrating both their stamina and fashion sense. An honorable mention must go out to wool enthusiast Sarah Hudson whose golfing man jersey was enough to make anyone green with envy.

Emily, Kath, Jen, Christa, Heena, Ciara, Sarah, Gemma, Annabel, Jo, Hattie, Clare, Helen

When pink and brown meets red and green
It is the ugliest sight you ever have seen
And we found ourselves in this retro colour-clash
Against Teddington on Saturday, whom we were out to thrash

But the battle that ensued ended in pain
For, by Teddington's sword, we were truly slain
And make no mistake, this onslaught was physical
That no player was hospitalised is, quite frankly, a miracle

An early spate of filthy play
Secured our penalty flick of the day
Which Bels executed with due poise and decorum
And we revelled in the angst that this goal did cause them

But their counter-attack came hard, fast and bold
Forcing Emily to work magic, if truth be told
And her goalkeeping stunts were of crowd-pleasing proportions
As she leapt and dived in all manner of contortions

Yet Teddington's persistence was duly rewarded
Such that, by half time, two goals had firmly been recorded
But some tireless defending combined with attacking assaults
Saw us ramping up pressure in the 2nd half to expose their faults

And a first-class work rate from bionic Gemma
Climaxed with a goal-directed canon causing a tremor
Prompting poaching Jo to pull out a Hollywood dive
Which was utterly ineffective and for better she must strive

But credit to Hattie, fresh from her Sainsburys night-shift
For the canons she picked off to avoid any rift
And whilst she would do well to tame her premature banter
I think we can excuse this little firework for her youthful canter!

And so this tale takes a painful twist
Conceding two more uninspiring goals, you get the general gist
And whilst a 4-1 defeat was not part of our game plan
Let us apply this lesson over the full season time span

Such that we may gel more strongly as a united team
And develop to become a well oiled machine. (JW)

Emily, Kath, Clare, Jen, Hannah, Christa, Bels, Sarah, Gemma, Jo, Alanna, Hattie, Laura.