Thurs 20-Oct-05
Issue 04
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times - you can almost split the club down the middle. Nearly all the men won and nearly all the women lost... of course it is the exceptions that prove the rule and the Womens 3s can hold their heads high after a cracking 4-1 win, however the Tornados managed to get a 5-0 win... in other clubs things weren't so good - not a great day to play for Maidenhead as 4 of their 5 sides were beaten today. Still, it serves them right for taking on the mighty red & green army! This weeks super-bumber edition kicks off below...
Elsewhere it was the Awards Dinner at the clubhouse. Who won what? Who did what? What's the gossip you may ask? Well, read on below and all (well some!) will be revealed... of course you could just look at the photos.
reports by: Lucy Partington, Tim Howarth, Aidan Brock, James Terrett, Mark Jones x2, Chris Richman, Gemma Baker, Stacey Sellman, Claire Whitehead, Fances Barber & Maurissa Allen.
A fine evening with a fine bunch of people. Can't have been anywhere near the clubhouse then. Joking aside, the awards dinner is an opportunity for new members to find out what THD are really all about... and cancel their subscriptions quickly. and for existing members to shower each other with awards in recognition of the previous seasons achievements. Oh, and partake of a few light refreshments on the way through...
 A great turnout from all sections of the club meant that the bar was buzzing even before J "Master of Ceremonies" T called the club to order and dinner. Buffet was swiftly demolished and the speeches begun. Joanna Reynolds announced the awards for the women's section - best young player (Sophie Carter), most improved player (Emma Kitley) and best player of the season (Ash McDonald). Swiftly followed up by the elder statesman of THD, Gordon Nurse who once he could make himself heard over the heckling of the younger Nurse generation, announced the best young player (Will Bushell). Aidan "Frodo" Brock then  wound up the individual playing announcements with most improved player (Simon Glasson) and best player of the season (Graeme Fotheringham). Team of the year were the Women's 1s (all down to the coaching, opined the elder statesman) who rose gracefully to accept their awards. grace which noticeably declined later in the evening on the dancefloor. And finally to the club person of the year award - deservedly going to Mark "I hate being called Jonesy" Jones for his tireless work coaching, organising, umpiring, organising, web-managing, organising..the list goes on. The Tornados promptly fined him on the spot for winning the only non-playing award possible....
 And so things started to go the way that all club dinners go. gradually and amusingly downhill. The unofficial "Will Nurse award" for earliest siesta of the evening went to a certain winning mens team captain (who shall remain nameless unless you read the match reports) who took time out for an early shower. His team seemed not to notice his absence. as the trays of sambuca started to do the rounds, the raffle was called by MC JT. Prizes were removed and just as quickly drunk. The Women's 2s came out particularly well, although the success in the raffle was telling later on (it's a marathon not a sprint, girls). Pudding was largely ignored, and the tables cleared for the main event, the chance for the boys to strut their funky stuff and the laydeez to boogie the night away... Some fine dancing performances were on display - special mentions should go to the Mens 1s "dancing like toddlers" (not my words), and  Will Nurse, for taking on the whole of the Women's 1s. before the legs started to go and Coach's Gem red carded him. The elusive "Face of Dulwich" Jagger, making a welcome return to the club social scene maintained his composure in the full force of the usual high levels of female interest, and Smudger added new meaning to the phrase "clearing tables" in his energetic efforts to clear the room/dancefloor. I don't think the bill for the crockery will be too high... After that things become a little hazy frankly - but worthy of mention were Nick Jacobs fine efforts to remain standing at the bar in spite of the great weight of sambuca threatening to drag him down (required a lot of concentration, but he did it) - JT and Gaz Weir whirling the laydeez round the dancefloor, and Lucy M, Faye, Kath and Lou M competing hard at the bar to down the most sambucas. (a tough job but someone's got to do it).
A noticeable reluctance to leave the club at the end of the night meant (I hope) that people had a good time rather than simply forgetting how and where they lived (although there was a little bit of that going on, intentional or not (??)). Thanks to all for making it a great laugh, particularly to Mark for distributing tickets, Chris, Jeremy and Will Pendrill for helping me to set up, and JT for MCing on the night. (LP)
DATES FOR YOUR DIARIES:
QUIZ NIGHT (19th November) and the CHRISTMAS PARTY (10th December). Be there. Details to follow.
Mens 1st Team vs Maidenhead
Won 3-0.
A Jekyll and Hyde Saturday saw the Mens 1st XI record their first win of the
season against top of the table Maidenhead. Jack Davidson, Andy Balchin and
Jon 'Ratty' Drury scored in a solid, composed, high quality team
performance, with Jimmy Ireson winning the man of the match award for
another good display.
Yet some argued such composure and solidity were notable absentees later on,
as a different high quality performance was seen at the club awards dinner.
What better an opportunity, they asked, to have an enjoyable, cultured
evening, surrounded by well educated and sophisticated London professionals?
Surely the Mens 1s - talismen of the club - would take it upon themselves to
impress the glamorous ladies by recognising the achievements of the last
year in a cultured and gentlemanly fashion? Of course they did. With 'zest'
and 'gusto', some claimed.
So what a relief that not one of them became involved in the childish
behaviour that can characterise these events; they didn't hide in the corner
playing drinking games, no one attacked the sambuca supply, not a single
item of food was thrown, nobody did a good impression of a toddler on the
dance floor, none of them passed out in the shower, absolutely no one had a
little 'accident', and they were most certainly not seen playing croquet at
1am. In fact, on behalf of the Mens 1s, thank-you Lucy for all your hard
work, ensuring we all had an excellent evening and that we were not
involved in any of the above.
Thanks all for coming. (TH).
Team: Chris Roberts, Rob Bennett, Gaz Wier, Tim Howarth (capt), Dave
Hancock, Andy Balchin, Tim Davies, Jon Drury, Andrew Potapa, Jimmy
Ireson (MOTM),
Jack Davidson, John Craven, Chris Barry
Scorers: Jack Davidson, Andy Balchin and Jon ‘Ratty’ Drury
Umpires: were impressed!
Mens 2s vs Maidenhead: Lost 1-2
It is never the best preparation for a game when a family emergency leaves you a goalkeeper down at 9:30 on Saturday morning, nevertheless we all fought through the West London traffic and arrived at Maidenhead with minutes to spare and a keeper's kit in tow ready for me to don. Maidenhead are historically one of the weaker teams in the league however their youth, speed and fitness told on a humid & sunny day. We controlled large chunks of the game but couldn't convert this into goals (or indeed, short corners), which made it very frustrating for a certain overheating goalkeeper to watch. Although we lost (conceding a second goal through what I can only guess was a hole in the defective set of keepers pads I was wearing?!) overall play is improving and if fitness levels can be raised and we name the same team two weeks running I am in no doubt that this disappointing start to the season will turn around. (AB)
Team: Aido, John Nurse, Ed Stephenson, Matt Groom, Kieran Norris, Rob Glavin, Joe Griffiths, Banners, Tom Hughes, Ferg Jagger, Lee Snowden, Laurent Ferron.
Scorer: Lee Snowden
Umpire: Mark Jones
Next Match: Saturday 29th vs. Oxford University (A)
Mens 3s vs. Maidenhead Mystics: Won 5-2
A magnificent win in a well-fought game. For the majority of the game we played good simple stuff that led to a host of chances neatly converted by David Fogden, and Nick Jacob in the first half. The tackles became harder, resulting in regular hand-bags and stern warnings from umpires Billy and Lucy M (Her glamour ensured the opposition's concentration was regularly tested). We suddenly all had the vision of Stevie Wonder before half-time but rode it out and Nick scored a superb individual goal after the break. We dominated for the next 15 mins with a team goal using everyone, straight from the training ground put away by Alex McDonald. Like my favourite nights out, it was getting easy and everyone was looking very attractive. However, yellow cards were brandished and suddenly Maidenhead scored two goals. It was too late, however, as the 3's puffed out their chests and struck a gutsy last (debut) goal from Carl Hagger. Delirium. Excellent performances and good discipline in the face of provocation - especially tantrum man Chris. Nick also stupidly fractured Foggy's foot but he still made it to the dance floor on Saturday. Unusually a four-way tie for MOTM and the golden pint just shows we are pretty amazing really. Just love us. (JT)
Team: Jeremy Porter, James Terrett, Mark Pulford, Wes Cole, Alex Brown, Chris Coleman, Will Atkinson, Neil Vose, Alex Brown, Mike Killen, Nick Jacob, David Fogden, Carl Hagger.
MOTM: Will Atkinson, Carl Hagger, Aex Brown and Lucy Muldoon.
Umpire: Billy Dowie, Lucy Muldoon.
Scorers: Nick Jacob (2), David Fogden, Alex McDonald, Carl Hagger.
Next match: Saturday 22nd October vs. Oxford Uni 3's (Away)
Tornados vs Maidenhead 2As: Won 5-0
This was a legendary game. the quality of the Tornados meant they 'monopoly'ised the game. THD had more 'chances' than minutes and showed the kind of possession that could have resulted in a chain of 'hotels' being built in the hapless Maidenhead's D. It was 'go directly to jail, do not pass go' for the Maidenhead keeper who offered his goal up as 'free parking'. As soon as the final whistle blew it was time to jump in our 'racecar's to rush back to 'iron' our shirts, pull them on over our 'Community Chest's, then put on DJs & 'Top Hat's for the Awards dinner! If the game was legendary then the dinner was an epic. proving they were the 'SOCIAL' team of the club the Tornados turned up with a squad of 13 (inc. Goalie, umpires & coach) and proceeded to attack the purple nasties. Someone tried the 'its your birthday collect £10 from every other player' trick, needless to say they were caught out and charged a 'SuperTax'. While normally there is only one winner... on this occasion there was more than one person morally 'bankrupt' at the end of the night!!!!! (MJ)
Team: Lee Tearle (GK), MJ, Nick Thomson, Tom Alexander, Rolly Ferneaux, Robby Layton, Si Wilshire (MOTM), Dougal Davis, Nick Harris, James Perrott, Nick Jones, Dan Hopkins, Loz Mockery & Geoff Pritchard.
Scorer(s): Nick Jones (2), Nick Harris, Loz Mockery, Geoff Pritchard
Umpire: Si Newell
Coach: Si Riley
THD Diamonds - No game
Next Match: Hampstead & Westminster Spaniards, away, October 22nd 15.00
Royals vs Maidenhead Mags:
Won 2-1
This result suggests - as did the opposition captain - that the game was a
lot closer than it actually was. The truth of the matter was that
Maidenhead were the slightly less poor of two poor sides in the first
half and went in a goal up on that basis.
So yet again behind at half time - which really is becoming a worrying
trend - I found myself giving the same team talk as the week before...
hey why change a winning formula? We went out in the second half like
a different team allowing Maidenhead out of their half only a handfull
of times but couldn't find the finish to match our excellent approach
play.
Then with three minutes to go we got the break-through with Doug
practically beating their midfield and defence to prod home one of the
scruffiest goals I think we will see all year - but hey they all count.
Thank god we would at least get what was looking an increasingly
improbable point. Then rapture, after three defenders missed a
straight ball from the back... Kim netted the winner. Job done!
This put me in mind of two quotes, firstly "It only takes a second to
score a goal" and "Only those who have been on both sides of the
needle can truly know what it feels like" which roughly translated
means when you have been so close to defeat victory tastes all the
sweeter!
Team: You know who you were and modesty permits.
Scorers: Doug & Kim.
Dragons vs Daquiris: Won 4-2
Only a Vileda super-mop could have wiped the floor better. With the kind of slick passes expected at a singles night, the Dragons ravaged the hapless Daquiris after having given them the lead twice. It was a solid team performance that shot more blanks in front of goal than a vasectomy clinic fantasy XI. Fortunately, in the second half the scoring boots were put back on, after some substitiutions so tactical that Kasporav would have been flummoxed. A cast of thousands turned out and members of the Mens 1s, 2s, 3s, Tornados, Royals, Womens 1s, 2s, 3s & 6s, were represented with no less than 9 current or former THD team Captains or Vice-Captains playing! Despite there being more chiefs than an Indian Reservation pow-wow the team clicked like an SS Officer's boot heels. While the men can take some of the plaudits for the win .as my old mate the hand-carwash worker used to say. "It's the birds that make all the difference!" (MJ)
Team: Jeremy Porter (GK), MJ, Nick Jacob, Lee Snowden, Aidan Brock, Tim Howarth, Ratty, Si Wilshire, Dan Hopkins, Lucy Partington, Lou Morgan, Gemma Baker, Lucy Muldoon, Sandy Chadwick, Lou Curry, Kate Vicary & Michelle Morgan.
Scorer(s): Gemma Baker (2), Nick Jacob, Simon Wilshire
Umpire: Chris Richman
Womens 1s v West Witney 1s: Lost 1-0
It was a pretty poor performance all round, to be honest, although Pipes was her usual fantastic self and kept the score to just the one goal conceded. We did have some flashes of half decent play, but generally we let the oppo walk round us, intercept passes and break us down. We almost took the lead in the first half when we won a penalty flick, but it wasn't to be and EJ's effort went centimetres wide. And despite Will's involvement from the sideline (to the point of almost getting removed from the pitch), the second half was little better. Witney didn't really threaten too much up front, but they got their goal from a short corner (and rather scrappy at that) - it was a bit diappointing to concede as our defending wasn't bad...however, a draw would have flattered us. Best to consign this match to the depths of our memories, and come out fighting in a fortnight's time. (GB)
Team: Pipes (Motm), Clare Byrne, Kath Sowter, Alex Crawford, Hannah Cooke, Nicky Prior, Faye Billing, Charley Williams, Rachel Lander, Gemma Baker, Lou Morgan, EJ Barry & Oriane Abbonizio.
Next game: Maidenhead 1's @ DC - 29th October 12.30pm
Womens 2s - No game
Womens 3s vs Phoenix (IOM): Won 4-1
After a disappointing loss last week we were determined to stay focused on the task at hand. After a disjointed start we picked up our rhythm and for our troubles we were rewarded with a goal but after losing concentration after the restart we found ourselves level. After this there was a lovely play down the right hand side of the pitch and that was our second goal, giving us the upper hand at half time 2-1. We came out in the second half very much playing the same with a few subs coming on here and there we managed to score again. After a little disagreement with the referee one of our players was carded - not mentioning any names (Beth). After a lovely piece of ball movement down the left this time we scored and that settled the game at 4-1 our first win of the season well done.
Team: Dulcie Davies,
Stacey Sellman,
Kate Vicory,
Penny Stevens,
Lou Curry,
Beth Little,
Sophie Carter,
Rosie Carter,
Emma Kitley,
Mo O'Brien,
Julie,
Lucy Gaskin,
Erica Goldsmith,
Karen Dodds.
Scorers: Sophie Carter, Rosie Carter, Penny Stevens & ?
Umpire: Julie Ferrett
Womans 4s vs Purley Walcountians 3's:
Lost 3-0
Buoyant from last week's glorious and long awaited win, the Womens 4's were in a positive mood despite the early meet, the lack of a kit and the lack of one member of the team who had been playing soldiers all night and was asleep (bless).
Nevertheless the first half of the match generated a strong performance from yet another new combination of players. Our opposition were busy arguing amongst themselves about the umpiring decisions and we had a few good chances by way of about 6 short corners and several shots on (or at least towards) goal but nothing was going our way. With two minutes left before half time, PW3's scored what was admittedly a great goal but only after our sweeper had hobbled off after suffering from a hard blow to the ankle bone - ouch.
About 10 minutes into the second half, we suffered another devastating blow with the back of Claire's hand being on the end of a kicked save from their keeper which flared up to the size of a golf ball (ouch again) forcing another change to the line up. Again, we had our chances through short corners and efforts in their D but failed to convert, where as they were getting stronger as we weakened. Adele's consistent battling with their centre forward riled them and caused further in fighting amongst our opposition but alas was not enough to stop them scoring twice more, with Adele taking a painful clout on the foot for her efforts (another ouch). In the end the best team won, but if it is a game of two halves we were a different team in each one. (CW)
Team: Jess Sellman, Nikki Smithies, Adele, Helen Clark, Jenna Kitley, Isabel Drewe, Emily Tearle (MOTM), Lottie White, Claire Whitehead, Ashley McDonald, Lynsey Bilsland.
Next match - friendly vs Reigate 3's, 12.30 JAGS
Womens 5s Vs Oxted 3s: Lost 1-0
Not a score line that one would normally associate with T5, but
Oxted
were a strong team and we did well to keep them to 1 goal. The defence
worked extremely hard, and were incredibly enthusiastic - admittedly
this
meant a lot of standing on the ball, and possibly the largest number of
short corners ever awarded in the space of 10 minutes, but at least
they
stopped Oxted doing what they do best - scoring goals.
Sarah got a stick in the eye (has anyone not yet used their ice
pack?
Can we borrow it?), but Penny retaliated by bulldozing an opposition
defender.
Only a few pound coins in the dippy-pot from Nicole (who made a
fantastic run up the pitch, only to politely pass the ball to a member
of
the opposition) and Kate (who made a fantastic run up the wing, only to
politely pass the ball to a random person standing on the sideline).
SuperVix the crowd-pleaser dodged, dashed and dived her way through
the
game, but the real triumph of the day was the T5 control under pressure
and
our very effective marking. We will be taking this knowledge with us
into
our upcoming games, and we expect to have posted our last losing
scoreline
for the season. (FB)
Team: Frances Barber, Penny Ganser, Kate Wheeler, Wendy Tang,
Kathryn
Oliver, Rachael Fallows, Nicole Yost, Sarah Smith, Clare Montagu,
Martina
van der Leij, with special thanks to Michelle Morgan and Emma Gilchrist
for
rescuing us from the sidelines, and Head Cheerleader (minus pompoms
unfortunately) Alice Smith
WOTM: Vix Streafield, Nicole Yost.
Umpire: Paul Goldsmith
Next game: 29th October vs Epsom Ladies 5s Away.
Womens 6s v Berrylands 1s: Lost 0-2
After a strong start and some excellent passing from the left and right sides we unfortunately lost momentum into the second half. Our defence was however on usual top form and, despite their efforts, Berrylands managed to get past them and score, although Alice made some cracking saves - otherwise it could have been a lot worse!
Lets hope our next game is more successful! (MA)
MOTM: Michelle Terry
Umpire: Ian Wright |
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