Newsletter 2005/06

Since 2003/04 the club has produced weekly match reports. From the start of the 2005/06 season this became a weekly newsletter, distributed during the season, containing match reports from each of the games played that weekend as well as other key information and a selection of adverts and offers.

Thurs 15-Dec-05

Issue 12

A massive weekend of results for THD - and I only refer to those on the pitch. The red and green groovesters ran amok in Saturday's Christmas Party warm up matches, winning 7 out of the 9 fixtures played, and then miraculously recovening on Sunday to fire the Dragons to the top of the table. The Men's sides of course near on always perform on the eve of an event - the chance of reeling in a swaying damsel with tales of hockey heroics is motivation enough for our dashing knights. It was lucky perhaps that the Women's 1s and 2s were foiled by frozen pitches and could devote their entire days to making up, but T5 and the Women's 6s overturned THD folklore by winning too. The latter celebrated by turning out in little black numbers in the club house later - definitely the sartorial team of the night. But commentary on the evening is best left to he who lives for it. JT - he's quite a man. Happy Christmas all.

Stagger safely into the New Year. Until then...

HUNDRED CLUB: Sign up for £10 a month and the chance to win much much more and help the long-term future of the THD. First draw is due in January 2006. Details on www.thehockeyclub.co.uk

SKI TRIP: Calling all men!!! The current ratio of girls to boys on the ski trip is 3 to 1. So if you can make the time and money between 26/03 and 02/04 then it may be a sound investment!! For more setails please contact william.morgan@fsmail.net

FEEDBACK WANTED: The editors of the website and the Tribune want to make sure you're getting what you want. All news, views, and comment are welcome to info@thehockeyclub.co.uk and news@thehockeyclub.co.uk

reports by: Will Nurse, Justin Collins, James Terrett, Mark Jones, Billy Dowie, Chris Richman, Gemma Baker, Sarah Longair, Claire Whitehead, Penny Ganser and Victoria Wright.

THD Christmas Party Review

Oh, what a night! Lucy P came up with the goods yet again (is there anything she cannot do?) and delivered a Christmas Party worthy of our amazing hockey club. Over 100 of you attended, enchanted by the mulled wine brewed to perfection by Bettina Wolff, and kept the dance floor packed all night to Disco Jason's eclectic mix of tunes. It was great to see everyone there and I must say you all scrub-up well. Ding Dong.

Surprising events include Tim Haworth's stetson hat, John Nurse's weight loss, Mark Jones's beard thing, Nick Hart's insistence throughout the evening that I owed him 10 minutes in the "Cuddle Zone", Andres Labourt's sunglasses and Julie Ferrett's "Rock Around the Clock" dancing (it brought the rest of the dance floor to an open-mouthed standstill).

The Mens 1s, 2s and 3s section huddled around a table eagerly early on with drinking games and stamina promised. Both materialised although it was no great shock when Nick Jacob left to cower by the bar very early on. Probably best. As the paparazzi lens of Mark Jones made his way round the club (see photos), I was also let in on the secret behind the Tornados upturn in fortunes in the last 5 games. Surprisingly, Tom Alexander told me it was all down to him and scoring goals is easy. Perhaps promotion to the 3s beckons?

It was also great to see the Diamonds show us what they look like. An outstanding team of winners on the pitch, they don't half talk about their games. As Disco Jason arrived to set up for the evening their post match analysis had only got to 'half time' (a mere 4 hours after the game!) with Billy Dowie, Stuart Craig and Peter Berman holding court. Thank god, I wasn't there. Fortunately for the rest of the party-goers they had finished by the time the party started. The Royals, fresh from another brutal fines session were also the first to the bar, mercilessly hitting the spirits and generally looking raffish.

The Ladies 1s were at their glamorous best as anyone who saw the line of men wanting to 'talk' to Faye Billing can testify. The Ladies 2s, 3s and 6s kept everyone entertained in a variety of ways, not least me on the dance floor and the heartfelt relationship advice from a drunk Michelle Morgan was appreciated. T5 remained a strong social force and I was spared my usual heckling by producing a winning ticket in the raffle - some women are easily pleased.

I was most impressed with the Ladies 4s who arrived at midday and stayed right till the end. Great to see Lindsey McLaren and Ronnie and Reggie back - you've been sorely missed. Excellent drinking stamina was shown but with none of the usual subsequent "drinking incidents" to talk of. They also generously donated some fabulous raffle prizes for which everyone very graciously bought tickets.

My final highlight was learning the quick-step with Charley Williams as Noreen cleaned up the debris of the evening around us. Not quite Strictly Come Dancing but as the light dimmed we glided across the dance floor effortlessly to the sound of the vacuum cleaner.

Once again thank you all for attending and purchasing tickets for the raffle. Huge thanks too to Jackie for the usual fantastic spread, and to Lucy M, Sarah L and EJ for ambushing unsuspecting partygoers trying to sneak in without paying - you've got a great future in door management ahead of you, girls. Lucy P was magnificent throughout and her organisation of the evening was perfect. Total Legend. Thank you. (JT)

And a personal message from Lucy P:
To MC JT - front of house performance as usual immaculate. A glittering future as Les Dennis awaits ...

Date for your Diaries: Saturday 18 March - THD End of Season Dinner, members and friends.

Men's 1s vs. Trojans: Won 4-3

So another high scoring epic for the men's 1s. Aside from the 7 goals, there was passion, grit, determination, never say die spirit and the umpires helped keep it festive by giving lots of cards. It could so easily have been a repeat of last week's 'keep Slough happy' affair, but this was deepest darkest, back of beyond, web feet land Trojans, and even with Christmas approaching, it wasn't yet time for charity.

We started well with a cross from the left resulting in a back post deflection after some gazelle-like movement from right back, Smudger. The ball teased its way inside the right post - it may not have hit the back board if we'd waited all day, but it crossed the line and that's what matters. Trojans attacked sporadically, feeding off our mistakes, but in too few numbers to be highly effective and with Rab well-fuelled from the night before there was nothing going in our goal, at least for the first half.

Our second came from a clinically taken short corner - the call was bottom right, and that's where the ball ended up, even though Will confessed to not knowing his left from right anyway. We got another before half time when a pin point pass picked out Andreas (at centre forward for the game) at the top of the 'D'. The trap was great, the defender overshot completely and Andreas put the ball in the middle of the goal which the keeper's charging dive did well to avoid. The celebrations that followed wouldn't have been out of place for a World Cup final winner, but were probably slightly lost on the rugby game it was directed towards more than 100m away.

The most notable comment at half time was that the middle three should lead by example and show their experience. 3-0 up, with another 35 to go, all seemed to be building for an annihilation of the West Country favourites. Number four came five minutes into the second half. A cross from the right saw Dave Casement profit from an error by the opposition centre back and put the ball into the net from 2m out.

Then something happened - perhaps the wind changed direction or someone pushed the self-destruct button - but a scene reminiscent of last week occurred. The ball hardly seemed to leave the THD end and when it did the umpire seemed to make sure it wasn't for long.. Some over zealous tackles, and or in some cases plain stupidity, saw first Andy and shortly afterwards Andreas, taking a breather on the side. Will's never been a man not to want to follow, but at least had the sense to wait until the other two had rejoined the field.

A final 30 minutes saw a 9, 10 and occasionally 11 man team concede 3 goals. The final two minutes came and went and the final whistle signalled a 4-3 victory in a game that saw probably some of the best and worst hockey the men's ones have played this season. But we deserved the 3 points and beer definitely tastes better when you win! Merry Christmas to you all. (WN)

Team: Rab, Gareth Weir, Tim Howarth, Andrew Eames, Tom Hughes, Chris Smith, Andy Balchin, Andres Labourt, Will Nurse, Jimmy Ireson, Dave Casement, Graeme Fotheringham, Ratty.

Scorers: Chris Smith, Will Nurse, Andres Labourt and Dave Casement

Men of the Match: Gaz Weir & Rab

Men's 2s vs. PHC Chiswick: Won 3-1

PHC Chiswick, or Poly as they like to be known (for those of you too young to know, "Poly" referred to any redbrick higher education establishment, a kind of Unibond League for the beat generation), play their home games under the shadow of Wormwood Scrubs ( an entirely different kind of educational establishment altogther). It may explain why entry to the ground was so hard...

Another explanation is that we all took a wrong turn, went the wrong way over a security barrier, and drove down a cycle track before a short drive across a football pitch got us to the right place. We did get some odd looks, and know how Potty must feel most of the time.

Pre game there was some concern as to whether it was possible to have more than 4 gingers in a team, which lively debate was only slightly resolved when at least 2 of them suggested that they were in fact strawberry blondes. Vanity, all vanity.

To the game. Poly had won one game all season (against us), as had we (but not against them), although we were on a 4 game unbeaten run and they weren't. The astro was all sand and no astro, which made it a slow game, which suited our lack of pace. We dominated the 1st half, and would have been unlucky to go in only one goal up, if Lauren hadn't scored a screamer just before the bell. Allez les blues.... So 2-0 at the half.

The 2nd round was similar if rather aggressive. Banners and Wardrobe dominated midfield passing to and fro. Hancock shored up the defence whilst Collins ably saved all that came his way as per usual. All the action though was at the other end. To be fair their keeper was having a stormer. It was unfortunate that having just pulled off a fantastic save, he received a call, or had a brainwave, to leave a tame defelcted cross/shot/push, which we can only assume he thought had been hit outside the D, and stepped over it. The ball had just enough momnetum to cross the line before stopping, exhausted.3-0.

It got a bit more aggressive, and a few from each side spent time warming the bench. As you do in that situation, a man down, 3-0 up, we pressed forward allowing them to counter, eventaully leading to a dubious P Flick as consolation. So a win 3-1, the second of the season, and 5 games unbeaten. (JC)

Team: Justin Collins, Aidan Brock, Dave Hancock, Alex Brown, Matt Groom, Sam Hiley, Richard Banwell, Lee Snowden, Laurent Ferron, John Nurse, Garth Foote, Andy Potapa

Scorers: Potapa, Ferron, Foote

Next match: Saturday 7 January vs. Bromley and Beckenham 2s @ DC

Men's 3s vs. St Albans 3s: Won 4-0

A comfortable win at the Fortress, but I couldn't help feeling we should have scored more. With Wes resembling a corpse due to a Christmas party too many, Hobbsy stepped in and looked far too good for us. We pinged the passing around well but with St Albans playing defensively, it was tough to break them down. Luckily we had Lyness staggering around the pitch in a position only he knows he where, which caused havoc amongst both sets of players. The pressure told, with Adam Taylor (In shorts described as Hot-pants by the Women's 4s) creeping round the back for Will Atkinson (or "Fit Will" as known to the Women's 4s) to tuck it away. A familiar pattern then emerged. Robby Leyton mopped up everything at the back, distributed it forward through the peerless Mike Killen. We moved it well and then it was either a missed shot (Hotspot), a short corner (Question) or a goal (Free Move) in the St Albans area. This sort of "Strike it Lucky" hockey kept hitting a Hotspot (not a good spot) until Carl Hagger smashed in a rebound in front of his girlfriend who had come to watch. If it had been me I'd have been fetching it from the duck pond.

The second half became scrappy. The game became more open but rather stupidly we decided to pass it less, making my blood boil in typical trademark Parrot style. Some fantastic 'four on ones' went begging (more Hotspots), until The Albino Assassin scored in his usual no-nonsense fashion. Our first clean sheet remained intact with an unbelievable clearance off the line and over the bar by MOTM Robby Leyton. All that remained was for the drunken carthorse that is Lyness to score his first goal for the club. How, I will never know. Final count - 57 Hotspots. (JT)

Team: Jeremy Porter, Wes "Hobbsy" Cole, Kieron Norris, Graeme Lyness, James Terrett, Robby Leyton, Mike Killen, David Fogden, Will Atkinson, Adam Taylor, Carl Hagger, Nick Jacob, Alex McDonald, James Huntley.

Umpires: Billy Dowie, Tim Sylvester

Scorers: Will Atkinson, Carl Hagger, James Huntley (Albion Assassin) and, ridiculously, Graeme Lyness.

Next match: Saturday 7 January vs. Bromley & Beckenham 3s - away

THD Tornados vs. Guildford: Won 3-0

I was asked recently why the Tornados were such a great team, was it skill? Ability? General good looks? Well the answer is all of the above and so so much more. At a recent dinner engagement I quizzed a few old mates about winning and losing...

My first friend, Vince Lombardi (American Football Coach), said the following things (1) "If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?", (2) "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." & (3) "Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser."

Another friend, Richard Bach (Author of 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull'), told me "Losing, in a curious way, is winning." Shortly after this my mate, Richard Nixon (Crooked ex-President of USA), said, "You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself and not his victorious opponents or on his teammates."

Finally, my mate, Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Poet), gave me this comment "Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change."

Clearly, Richard Bach gives crap advice, anyone who thinks losing is winning needs their head read. Richard Nixon is, has and always will be untrustworthy... if you lose give hell to the oppo, as next time you can win the game before getting on the pitch! And for anyone to even suggest that losing can be enjoyable... Ralph is a fool! Vince Lombardi is the MAN! (MJ)

Our new team philosophy is: We win, they lose... end of. (MJ)

Team: Lee Tearle (GK), MJ, Rolly Ferneaux, Xena, Dougal Davis, Wilsh, James Perrott, Nick Jones, Dan Hopkins, Harrow, Tom Alexander, Loz Mockery & Irfan Begg.

Scorers: Tom Alexander (2) & Nick Jones.

Umpire: Si Riley

Next game: Saturday 7 January vs. Wimbledon - 12.30 @ DC

THD Diamonds vs. St. Albans Citizens: Won 6-1

A 6-1 win always looks good on paper, but frankly the abiding memory of this game, for anyone who has played St. Albans over the years, is sadness at just how far they seem to have fallen. With 10 men for two thirds of the game, they played like a side gamely struggling to enjoy themselves but expecting a beating. If the Diamonds had turned on the sort of form they'll need to beat the two Hampsteads after Xmas, then it really would have been double figures.

Our short corner routine deserted us completely, but open play provided enough opportunities for a comfortable win; Tim slotted the first after a one-on-one with the keeper, and Ollie added two more to make it 3-0 at half time. As a team, however, we were playing well below par, and a mix-up at the back following (or was it during?) a substitution let the Citizens reduce the arrears, probably more to their surprise than ours. This spurred us on, and the last 20 minutes saw our passing game improve dramatically; we opened the Citizens up with one attack after another and, as long as we didn't get a short, looked like scoring almost every time.

Will had a fine game at left midfield, and, with the defence as virtual spectators later in the game, Graeme, playing at the back of the diamond, took to marauding upfield; now there's a sight! If Ollie had been greedier he may have registered his hat-trick, but linked up well with Nick on the right to lay on some good service - three more goals followed from Simon, Harry, and Nick himself. (BD)

Team: Jeremy Porter, Richard Batty, Stuart Craig, Gus Barnard, Peter Berman, Graeme Evans, Will Morgan, Simon Canter, Nick Hart, Dominic Peyton, Tim Harris, Ollie Walton, Paul Burrows, Harry Twort

Scorers: Tim, Ollie (2), Simon, Harry, Nick

Umpire: Will Atkinson

Next Match: Saturday 7 January vs. Reading Rascals -13:30 away

THD Royals vs. Blackheath Heathens: Lost 2-6

I think it's fair to say that the netball tournament taking place on the courts beside us must have proved more of a distraction than our game itself because I can't find any other explanation for our performance in this game. You can't say too much turkey as that hasn't happened yet; you can't say too much drinking because everyone was about as sober as I've seen them all season, so I think I'll stay with the netball explanation although maybe for the 70 minutes on the pitch all my team were kidnapped aliens!

As the leader of the black widows in those films said "Why lord, why, other people's men you make out of flesh and bone, mine you make out of ****" Maybe a bit harsh but for that particular 70 minutes in the fading afternoon sun we were pretty close.

Anyway best to put this behind us and look forward to the second half of the season. I'd just like to say a big thank you for anyone who has turned out for us, umpired us, supported us or drunk with us and may everyone have a very happy Xmas. (CR)

Team: Paul Reid, Will Pendrill, Richard Mead, Mike McKinnon, Neill Eggins, Chris DeSouza, Mark Annear, James Kingdom, Mike Wright, Andy Bond, Kim Keats, Oliver DeLa Fosse, Mehraab Nazir, Ian Roberts

Scorers: Mehraab Nazir, Oliver De La Fosse

Next match: Saturday 7 January vs. Indian Gym (There's a nice one straight after Xmas)

Women's 1s vs. Barnes Hounslow Ealing: Postponed

Match postponed, once again, due to a frozen pitch. Not that we were much surprised considering the water-based pitch had been booked for a 10am start in the middle of December. Nice trip over though, the scenery was all christmassy and finishing early gave us all lots of time to do some shopping and prepare for the evening festivities. (GB)

Next league match: Saturday 14 January vs. - third time lucky - Barnes Hounslow & Ealing - time tbc (although we requested a mid afternoon slot in case the sun needs to do some thawing work on the pitch first).

South Indoor: 17th / 18th Dec at EG. First game - 9.30 in the morning!!! Goodbye lie-in........

Women's 2s vs. Old Cranleighans 1s: Postponed

With triumphant dedication to the game and unprecedented organisation, the team were all in attendance one hour and twenty minutes before the match in outer Surrey, to the sound of the dawn birds singing and sight of the sun rising. 'Twas the scene of a romantic English rural Christmas, worthy of a Quality Street tin, with soft winter light illuminating the frosty pitch and coruscating sparkles emanating from the frozen foliage.

Perfect if you're designing nostalgic Christmas cards, rubbish if you're intending to play hockey. Huddles of tracksuited players earnestly studied the pitch (looking for what exactly?) until their killjoy umpire said no game. Mark, our noble umpire, was lost in Teddington, cursing the existence of the ladies 2s, their goddamn early starts and cancelled games. Never to refuse the opportunity of spending Saturday morning together, we went to the Partington gastro pub for champagne and smoked salmon. We are classy ladeeez indeed, as I hope (rather than remember) that we proved on Saturday night. (SL)

Next match: Saturday 7 January vs. Ashford (friendly) - 10.30 away

Women's 3s: No game

Next match: Saturday 18 December vs. Epsom 3s - 10.00 @ Epsom College

Women's 4s vs. Epsom (home): Lost 0-1

Another fixture against a top of table team. At least this one was at home on our favourite bouncy pitch. Unfortunately the rather portly sports club manager at JAGS was not full of festive cheer, and yet again refused to open the astro until push back time. We had a speedy warm up led by the lovely Tim, and started really well - should have had a handful of goals (as usual) and were dead level at half time. Tim left threatening us not to lose...but we were foiled by a soft goal that came from nowhere...and couldn't manage to pull one back. Our increasing frustration led to a couple of 'final warnings' from the rather over-sensitive Epsom umpire, and unfortunately time ran out with Epsom still a goal up. Oh well - a fantastic turn out for the last game of the year. New year's resolution - TO WIN. (CW)

Team: Jess Sellman, Anna Stuttard, Nikki Smithies, Helen Clark, Lindsey Maclaren, Rona Francis, Adele Harrison, Rosie Le Voir, Emily Tearle, Lynne Ruddick, Jena Kitley, Emma Billsdon, Marie Smith, Ash Macdonald, Claire Whitehead.

MOTM: Anna Stuttard

Umpire: Steve Powell

Next Match: Saturday 14 January vs. Byfleet - 12.30 @ JAGS

Women's 5s vs. Barnes Hounslow Ealing: Won 3-1

With mulled wine and mince pies on the ready for half time, we dragged ourselves out for an early start only to find the pitch at DC was still frozen. Luckily the sun crept over the centre and it quickly thawed out. JT (umpiring) managed to arrive in the nick of time (traffic!) sporting the 'just got out of bed' look, nice......

Finally our game is coming together, good short passes were followed by accurate through balls for the forwards to run onto. Our defence fought hard to keep the ball in the oppositions half and our forwards rewarded them with an early goal from one of our now, highly polished and very effective short corners. With a squad of 14, the substitution plan wasn't as smooth as it was on paper (sorry), however, the change over play flowed seamlessly which was confirmed by Zoë (just on) with an excellent reverse stick goal.

In the second half we were extremely luckily that Martina's stick was as long as her legs when she made a brilliant save off the goal line. Unfortunately Barnes came back mid way through he second half to score but we weren't going to concede another and Penny scored after a cheeky steal which sealed a firm 3-1 win. Well done T5 and special thanks to Paul Goldsmith umpiring for us again. (PG)

Team: Penny Ganser, Frances Barber, Vix Streatfeild, Jean Sutton, Bridget Morley, Racheal Fallows, Nicole Yost, Andrea Beattie, Zoë Negus, Martina Vanderleij, Kate Wheeler, Kathryn Oliver, Faith Geraghty, Kate Silsbury.

Scorers: Penny Ganser(2) Zoë Negus

Player of match: Kathryn Oliver

Umpires: Paul Goldsmith, James Terrett

Next match: Saturday 14 January vs. Thames Valley 2s - 13.30 @ Crystal Palace

Women's 6s v Epsom 6s: Won 2-1

What a great early Christmas present the team had this week. Everyone giving their absolute all for the whole game. A fairly even match game right up until the last three minutes when Epsom scored with a temporary lapse of concentration from defence. Could have been annoying especially as earlier we were sure the ball had crossed the line for us at the other end - but it wasn't to be. However not to be disheartened we then gave it our all and equalised with a fantastic bit of running from Maurissa which she struck from the top of the circle. You couldn't see if she was actually inside the circle, so to make sure Vicky actually deflected it in just to be on the safe side. However Maurissa not happy with this decided to give it another go and scored with an able assist from Jess Beach running all the way from left back before laying the ball of to the eagerly awaiting stick of Maurissa. Ecstatic was an understatement - especially as this was all achieved within the last two minutes. Go 6s! Put us in a very good party mood. New Year's Resolution should be to win a few more games like this. Have a great Christmas everyone. (VW)

Team: Alice Smith. Clare Montague, Jo Hillyer, Jess Beach, Katie Stone, Emma Gilchrist, Maurissa Allan, Isla McGregor, Gigi Ho, Shona Welch, Victoria Wright, Pippa Haworth

Scorers: Victoria Wright, Maurissa Allan

MOTM: The Team

Umpire: Ian Wright

Next match: Saturday 7 January 2006 v Croydon MO - 12.00 @ Mitcham Vale

Dragons vs Spencer: Won 9-3

So there we have it, the drinks have all been drained to the bottom, the season is at its mid-point and the Dragons are on top of the table. In the complete opposite of a roller coaster of a season the Dragons have consistently won everything that has been thrown their way (bar a slight blip on day 1). Prepare for the phrase "Bees Knees" to be replaced with "Dragons Knees". As Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes used to sing we are "Up Where We Belong", as the Bee Gees used to croon "So You Win Again", as Starship chorused "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"... the Dragons are the musical medley of success... hell, even my old mate Chesney used to go on about the "One and Only". But like a local builder the job is only 50% done. There are seven matches between us and the Emerald Gate of Takeshi's Castle... and in the immortal words of Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush "Don't Give Up." As my old friend the Rodeo rider used to say "getting on top is one thing, but staying there is the real battle!"

Reality note: Actually, Spencer conceded the match and we just played a friendly but very sportingly they said that the resulting score line could be put down as the final score as most of both teams were made up with THD players. It should be noted that everyone who helped out by traitorously playing for them had a better game than when they play for us!

Merry Xmas and remember... You're only number 1 cos you're better than the best anyone else has to offer... also, modesty is an overrated method of losing your biggest fan! Go DRAGONS! (MJ)

Team: George Sykes (GK), MJ, Ratty, Snowy, Nick Harris, Will Morgan, Mike Wright, Tim Howarth, Charley Williams, Hannah Cooke, Lucy Muldoon, Anna Stuttard, Lindsey McLaren & Lou Curry.

Scorers: Nick Harris (3), Mike Wright (2), Charley Williams, MJ & Snowy (OG)

Photographer & Supporter: Emma Gilchrist & Michelle Morgan

Umpire: Si Riley & Chris Richman

Next game: Sunday 8 January vs. London Edwardians - 13.30 @ BP

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