Newsletter 2005/06

Since 2003/04 the club has produced weekly match reports. From the start of the 2005/06 season this became a weekly newsletter, distributed during the season, containing match reports from each of the games played that weekend as well as other key information and a selection of adverts and offers.

Mon 03-Apr-06

Issue 24

Some spectacular THD scorelines last week but no matter that most were the wrong way round with every team already safe in their leagues for next season. The Diamonds, as you'll know by now, are promoted, and like the Tornados and Women's 1s take on Hampstead and Westminster in cup semi-finals this weekend. It's time to get your supporters hats out to cheer them all on - details of venues/times below. The women's leagues finish this weekend, which means a last appearance for Liz Young before she and Nick go down under. Best to think of it as the THD diaspora - they'll no doubt be sending a few antipodeans our way in the future. And closer to home, the family just gets stronger. There's a chance to celebrate with another THD celebrity couple in the news that follows......

"It is with great pleasure we announce the engagement of Nikki Smithies, daughter of the Woman's 4s to Mike Killen, Son of the Men's 3s. Their engagement party is to be held Upstairs at the East Dulwich Tavern on Saturday 1st April, 7pm until 1am where Mike will be proudly wearing his Player of the Season Medal. Everyone is welcome to join"

reports by: Andy Balchin, James Kingdom, Gemma Baker, Kate Selway, Karen Dodds, Claire Whitehead, Frances Barber and Victoria Wright.

Men's 1s vs. Trojans: Lost 2-7

The match preparation started well. THD had a good warm up and everyone was looking sharp. Unfortunately a stray ball struck one of the umpires on the foot and it was then that we knew it was going to be an uphill struggle.

After having most of the early pressure, THD took the lead with a fine flick from Will. Trojans struck back quickly with two corners of their own and an open play goal. The umpires kept a firm grasp of the game by some distinctive interpretation of the rules of hockey, which one assumes can only have been built up over careers spent umpiring Olympic and Champions Trophy matches. It was pleasure to be in the presence of such greatness. The umpire with the sore foot got his revenge on the offending THD player (and possibly the rest of the world for a lifetime of grievances) by sending this player to the sin-bin. Feeling left out, the other umpire decided that the THD player/coach had illegally used the side of his knee to stop a baseball swing from a Trojans player. This resulted in a 10 minutes spell on the sidelines for the Argentinian export.

After a couple of early THD corners, the second half was very much a one sided affair. Most of the THD players were on traffic duty, waving the Trojans players through on regular occasions. Trojans scored 4 goals on the break. Only countered by a goal from Andres.

Not a great end to the 2005-6 season, but probably a fair reflection of the kind of season it has been. When there is commitment, desire and work rate, we have the ability to trouble any team in the league. Sadly, when these are not there, we have the ability to lose to anyone in the league. Next season will require a much greater level of consistency from all.Remember you can't retire before you are thirty or, if your name is Banners, while you can still walk. (AB)

Team: Chris "Crowbar" Roberts; Will "Night" Nurse, Tim "the Toolman" Howarth, Ed "Theodopolis P Wildebeast" Stephenson, Richard "Let me pretend its a Carrera" Banwell, John "the Lady in Red" Nurse; Jimmy "Used Carpet Salesman" Ireson, Andy "Liability" Balchin, Laurent "Lolo" Ferron; Andres "Transformer" Labourt, Dave "Cut to the Chase" Casement, John "Clark Kent" Craven, Nick "Clark Kent II" Jacob.

Scorers: Will, Andres

MOM: Laurent

Umpires: censored

THD Tornados

Divisonal League Cup Semi-Final: Saturday 1 April vs. Hampstead and Westminster 7s - 10.30 @ Paddington Rec

THD Diamonds

Divisional League Cup Semi-Final: Saturday 1 April vs. Hampstead & Westminster Thirsts - 13.00 @ Dulwich College

THD Royals vs. Indian Gymkhana: Lost 0-7

And so it came to this; the final curtain, well, final game of the season for the intrepid Royals. Poetically the conditions were a suitable match for the outcome of the game and perhaps even our season, which had started so well only to become a bit of a damp squib. Hosting an Indian Gym side that looked remarkably different to the one we faced in Hounslow, our suspicions were all but confirmed by half time after a display by more ringers than a campanology week end in Devon (see www.cccbr.org.uk for details). To cut to the chase, we lost 0-7 with the best goal being the mazy run around five players followed by the reverse stick ping through Gav's legs. Special mention must go to Will Pendrill and his attacking prowess up front, causing many a problem for the similarly built Gym defence.

But rather than dwell on defeat, there were many things that brought a ray of sunshine (correctly predicted by our own budding meteorologist Gavin) to our day. Firstly, we are pleased to announce that on what was his final appearance on the playing field after countless years of service to the game, Richard Mead has the gracious honour of being the first ever Royal to get an international call up. We wish Richard every success in Rotterdam with the England Super Vets and are also pleased to note that he won't be the oldest one there either.

Also, the game saw the return of Colin, our man in Baghdad. Fresh from rescuing peace campaigners, Colin was on hand in the bar afterwards to tell us of the work he has been doing on behalf of the Royals in Iraq. Many of you will be keen to know for instance that your hard earned tax has gone into providing an astro at the British Embassy compound and despite several mortar attacks on the dug out, it is still in one piece, although ironically it could do with more sand.

So for another season that is it, many thanks to Jonesy and Mr Riley for helping out, and to all those who have stepped in over the past few months when needed. I just hope Mr Jones's performance was a one-off with the semi's looming for the Tornados. It's now just 56 days to go until our fines kitty will be released from a chamber deep below Zurich and finally getting to spend it. For those involved, a date and venue should be sorted soon, so keep your diaries free. (JK)

Team: Gavin Lawson, Chris Richman, James Kingdom, Will Pendrill, Mike McKinnon, Mike Wright, Keith Howick, Mark Jones, Richard Batty, Richard Mead, Mark Annear & Andy Bond.

Umpire: Si Riley

MOTS: Doug Heard

MIP: Ed Allen

Women's 1s vs. Barnes, Hounslow & Ealing: Won 7-0

The scoreline may sound like we were on fire, but the reality was that the opposition only managed to bring 9 players for the penultimate league game of the season. Even more worrying is that half our team didn't realise this until it was pointed out to them at half time....

Not a huge amount can be said about the game. BHE couldn't really get the ball out of their defensive 25, but did a good job of limiting us to only 7 goals. Our aim before the game (as Will knew there were only 9 of them) was to practice our passing, work the overload etc., and in the first half we were quite effective. Alex, Charley, Lou and Jen all scored before the break to give us a good lead. Realisation though that the oppo were two (wo)men down meant that we all pushed forwards. At one point I think that the only person not in our attacking quarter was Pipes. Three more goals ensued - 2 from Martha and an EJ special took us 7 ahead. BHE had a couple of breaks and a penalty corner, so Pipes got to touch the ball a couple of times.

Fair play to BHE for giving it their all and giving us a game ahead of next weekend's trophy semi final. (GB)

Team: Pipes, Alex Crawford, Jenni Martin, the lovely Hils, Bettina Wolff, Faye Billing, Gemma Baker, Charley Williams, EJ Barry, Lou Morgan and Martha H-J.

Scorers: Alex, Charley, Lou, Jen, EJ and Martha (2)

Motm: Lou

Next matches:

League: Saturday 1 April vs. Richmond - 11.45 start away

Trophy: Sunday 2 April vs. Hampstead and Westminster - 11.30 @ Dulwich College.

Women's 2s vs. Croydon MO (away): Won 3-2

The Friday night scrabble for players was reminiscent of darker times, hardly in evidence for the 2s these last couple of seasons. Rosie reluctantly had to rest her hamstring, but such is the spirit in the 2s that she came to the game anyway. Down to ten (having already called in the stalwart Jingham), Captain in a sweat calls Penny for the umpteenth time of the week. Is she coming back from Trinidad or not? It was a bigger chair-edger than who shot JR. A groggy voice answers the phone. Captain shows no mercy (nor the following morning when the groggy voice called again). Oz was given strict instructions not to leave East Dulwich without Penny and didn't disappoint.

We were rubbish against this team last time. Threw the game away and lost 3-1. Success this week was all the sweeter for doing most of the things we promised we would do (although Manager Gordon with his Tactical Teasers didn't get perfection out of us - he told us to attack down the right quite alot so we attacked down the left quite alot).

We scored first. I dunno how Emma always manages to get to those balls that are about to go past the left post. I reckon she has extendable arms. They got one back. Very good free hit outside the D and a perfect deflection. One all at half time. Gordon told us to keep doing the corner from Emma to Alex to Kato to Oz and back to Kato. Touching really, as I scuffed two. Penny scored our second, back to her old trademark ways, although showing slight signs of apparent jet lag (... read on). They got another back. Can't remember what it looked like but it was very annoying. 5 minutes to go and we get another short. Third time lucky on the Kato-Oz-Kato combo; eyes focussed, muscles tensed. Wham. It probably went in faster than the man with the red flag walking in front of Stevenson's Rocket in 1829 (actually I think it set a world speed record of 35 mph - so maybe the man with the red flag had stopped off at the pub by then).

A very enjoyable game all round and we stay 5th in the table. Quality umpiring from Si Riley and their South African bloke. Mentions to Jules Ingham who confessed to pre-match nerves but had a good'un, to the other 3 at the back Shorty, Hannah and Lucy P, for some more quality defending, and to George for a couple of super saves. Special mention to Penny, however, for her mild breathlessness and her 4 month pregnancy. Upon hearing, Captain has a moment of quiet reflection on the quality of mercy and the extent to which it is an alien concept to her.

Shame the oppo forgot to order any teas. We'll make up for it next week at the Liz Young Testimonial Match and TexMex. (KS)

Team: George Sykes, Jules Ingham, Hannah Cooke, Shorty, Lucy Partington, Liz Young, Alex Hardy, Kate Selway, Penny Stephens, Oz, Emma Kitley.

Scorers: Emma, Penny, Kato

POTM: Hannah

Umpire: Si Riley

Next match: The Liz Young Testimonial against Old Cranleighans on 1 April at DC, 11.00. Be there if you can.

Women's 3s

25 March vs. Old Kingstonian 1s: Lost 0-7

Report to follow.

18 March vs. Raynes Park 1s: Lost 0-7

Apparently the pre-match warm up consisted of a discussion on the size of heels being worn to the dinner on the evening, and general happiness carried on at the start of the match as we tried to make up for only having ten players by stealing the push-back from Raynes Park. Unfortunately the umpire noticed and made us start again.

The biggest difference between the two teams, other than they had 11 and we had 10 (have I mentioned that?) was their sharp and lethal shooting when in the "D" (and sometimes from outside the "D").

Lucy and Erica worked hard up front trying to make up for the missing player (!) and the defense worked hard trying to close down their attack and prevent shots with whatever we had; usually a foot; although a spectacular use of the head from Dulcie and a great knee deflection from Stacey. Kate radically used a stick to block a short corner on the line but the score line sadly showed that all of these heroics were not enough.

Result of the Can Men Read Competition - apparently JT is the only man in the club sufficiently in touch with his feminine side to read this far down. (KD)

Team: Dulcie Davies, Stacey Sellman, Lou Curry, Karen Dodds, Lizzy Frost, Lucy Gaskin, Erica Goldsmith, Julie Lapsley, Kate Vicary, Beth Little

Player of match: Dulcie Davis (and she did get a lot of the ball)

Umpire: Ian Wright

Women's 4s vs Richmond: Lost 0-5

Hmm - Richmond are top of the league. They were quite good, we were ok but not really a match for them. We only had eleven players, they turned up with twelve and supporters despite the fact they apparently couldn't provide an umpire. All a bit painful really. Will attempt to to try harder for the last game of the season next week, but at the moment the squad of 20 has become 10...so no promises. (CW)

Team: Jess Sellman, Nikki Smithies, Helen Clark, Anna Stuttard, Rosie Le Voir, Lynne Ruddick, Jena Kitley, Emma Billsdon, Sophie Carter, Claire Whitehead, Andrea Vicari.

Umpires: Ian Wright and James Perrott

Next Match: Saturday 1 April vs. Epsom - 12.00 @ Blenheim School

Women's 5s vs. Shirley 1s: Lost 2-3

It was a well fought match but they probably deserved to win despite the most horrific collection of mullets this side of the Watford Gap and a right wing whose diving talents would put Didier Drogba to shame (nicely ignored with a sardonic smile by umpiring hero Aidan). On the negative side - our oppo failed to turn up last week, none of the team have turned up for practice since Christmas and frankly we looked a little out of sorts. However, there were some positive points - valiant running on the wing from Zoe, strong sweeping as usual from Bridget and plenty of shouting from Nicole. High point was a lovely goal off a penalty corner, touched by just about every team member in the D on its way to the back of the net. Last game this week, and if we win (T5 are you reading this?) there's a bottle of champagne in it! (FB)

Team: Frances Barber, Penny Ganser, Bridget Morley, Andrea Beattie, Rachael Fallows, Zoe Negus, Helen Fermor, Faith Geraghty, Fatima (thankyou!), Vix Streatfield, Nicole Yost.

Scorers: Zoe Negus (we think - it was a strange goal!) and Andrea Beattie

Umpire: Aidan Brock

Next match: Saturday 1 April vs. Barnes Hounslow & Ealing - away

Women's 6s vs. UCL Academicals 1s: Lost 0-16

Yes, high drama again this week. All starting from the previous Monday when we started off with 14 players and I thought ok we can hold them to a less crushing defeat than last time. Then on Friday they needed a second umpire - and I think - good that means they are only bringing 11 players. (Many thanks to Steve Powell for agreeing to do our game instead of the 4s and Ian for doing the two games back-to-back). Then I discover that we are down to 12 players and on the day 11. But we started with 9 due to cancellation of trains. Thanks to the couple of 4s players who started for us (for "I'll be there in 10 minutes") and stayed on for at least 20 minutes (wish they had stayed to watch afterwards).

By half time we were down to 10 players and the score was 10-0. Poor Shona got a ball smacked on her ankle and we sent her off to A&E with a suspected fracture. Her shin pads didn't cover the ankles. I think a new birthday/Christmas present might be required Matt. Many thanks for coming down and taking her off, it was just a shame that the whole family had come to watch her get injured. Shona's sister looked terrified being on the back of the bike that Shona had arrived on! (Too late to call Sophie or Lynn (I think) back.) Our team talk beforehand had identified that we needed to mark their RW and CF. Shona had been given the job of marking RW and you have already heard what happened there.

Alice played a blinder and well deserves her MOTM this week. Saving loads of goals and a penalty given because Kate had cleared a ball from the line with the back of her stick. Lack of marking caught us out again and even with Clare dropping to LH we couldn't keep the balls from hitting their target. We did have some breaks with Katie Stone managing to get the ball through only for Gigi and Vicky both to be obstructed (hope everyone's knees are recovering) and regaining possession.

UCL Academicals are strong University side that train together and who certainly are a team that should never have been put in our division and should be at least two divisions higher. They tell us they will only get to move up one division - good luck Div 8 (make sure you have your first aid kit handy). No consolation for the demoralising penultimate game of the season. Heads up 6s we live to fight another game against Epsom next week and we can win. (VW)

Update: Shona's ankle is not broken (phew) badly swollen and is not allowed to do anything for two weeks. Get yourself ready for Dublin.

Team: Alice Smith, Clare Montagu, Gigi Ho, Kate Straker, Michelle Terry, Jess Beach, Katie Stone, Mae Lynne MacDougall, Lucy Gilchrist, Shona Welch, Victoria Wright

Umpire: Ian Wright and Steve Powell (many thanks Steve for agreeing to do this at the last minute)

MOTM: Alice Smith

Next match: Saturday 1 April vs. Epsom 6s - 3.30pm @ Therfield School

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